The Long Goodbye!

Ho ho! I bet you all forgot I was doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger run down! Or you hoped I forgot about it, it's a rather stupid project. Too bad, it has not been abandoned and here's the latest instalment! This would of been posted earlier in the week, but I forgot to email the artwork to my work computer. I never claimed to be a computer programmer! GET A GRIP PEOPLE! So here it is, with a weird poster that looks like it's from Mad Magazine, it's...

The Long Good-Bye (1973)

First off, this isn’t actually an Arnold movie. He is in it, and it does appear on his IMDB page, but he’s barely in it. He gets about 30 seconds of screen time and doesn’t do anything other then look threatening and take his shirt off. Arnie plays a heavy and is basically back drop material. So as far as Arnie goes, this is:

out of 5 Arnies.




So while a bust as far as Arnold goes, this is actually a pretty great movie. Robert Altman takes a classic Phillip Marlow detective story and kind of turns it on it’s head. The plot is twisty and turn-y, I’ll refrain form recapping it so as not to ruin any surprises since this is worth a watch, other then to say that like all great movies it's kicked off by a hungry cat*. The style of the film is pretty great. Marlow as played by Elliot Gould (probably better known as Ross’s dad on “Friends” then anything else) seems to be right out of the fifties, including his car. Everyone and everything else seems to be set in the seventies when the film was made. It sounds like a potential disaster, but it really works. All the Altman quirks are to be found, great performances (especially by the great Sterling Hayden who was supposedly drunk and stoned the whole time so his scenes were improvised) and overlapping dialog. So as a proper movie, this one gets a solid 4/5.

There it is! Arnolds second film isn't really an Arnold film but a neo-noir by an art house favourite director. Altman has always been a bit hit and miss with me. I don't think I've loved any of his films. Not even Short Cuts that features a nearly constantly naked crush object by the name of Julianne Moore. Grrrrowl! I do like that Julianne Moore! Maybe I should of done a Julianne Moore project, with tons of screen caps... maybe that should of been a private thought.

Next up is STAY HUNGRY. STAAAAAY HAAAAANGRY!! It's a proper Arnold film I think (he's on the DVD Cover) and he co-stars with The Dude. Should be good!

*Anyone who can think of another movie that's kicked off by a starving cat gets a prize!**

** Not really.***

*** Asterisk notes are fun!

1001 Albums: 0421 - 0430: The Late Seventies Are Kind of Dull

Or maybe I'm just running out of things to say? 430 reviews is quite a bit of writing about one topic after all, even if some of the reviews are only a sentence. Anyways, this blog was pretty good with Willie Nelson and X-ray Spex putting in solid offerings. Nothing really jumped right out and grabbed me by the throat though. I'm getting worried that there will be less surprises now that we're creeping closer to where my awareness of music begins. I'm not half way through, this list failing to entertain is not an option!

Here's the run down, sorry it's not more exciting folks.


0421 Marvin Gaye – Here, My Dear - After previously trying to solve the problems in the ghetto and making sweet love to our ear holes, Marvin gets slapped in the face with a divorce. Here’s the album all about it! Blowing all his cash on a coke habit, Marvin signed half his royalties from this album over to the ex wife to pay the alimony he was behind on. The result is a not very good record, oddly enough. I think this album is on this list for the story behind it as opposed to the sounds it contains. Which is bullshit.


0422 Willie Nelson – Stardust - Willie tackles jazz standards with an ease that is incredibly pleasant to the ears. It also hides just how extraordinary the arrangements and playing are on this album. Willie himself has the perfect voice for this style of music as well, so this gets a recommend!


0423 Chic – C’est Chic - It’s a disco album, and a pretty good one in that it doesn’t drive you nuts while you listen to it. Ultimately though it’s rather forgettable.


0424 X-ray Spex – Germ Free Adolescents - Sadly lead singer Poly Styrene has recently passed away. Sadly too, I managed to somehow miss listening to X-ray Spex. This was a great debut, Poly is in great voice, and the band is really in fine form. I always get a bit of a surprise to find good playing on a punk album since I typically expect poor playing but lots of energy. So it’s great to find both great playing and energy, like there is on here! Recommend.


0425 Brian Eno – Ambient 1: Music for Airports - The title of this one made me moan in anguish, and the running times of the 4 track on here caused my head to lower in disappointment. It was in this state that I became pleasantly surprised, this was actually really good. It managed to be “Ambient” in that it sounded like back ground music, but it also kept me interested without driving me crazy. Good stuff!


0426 Siouxsie & the Banshees – The Scream - Sadly, X-ray Spex is a tough act to follow and Siouxsie and the horrible way she spells her name isn’t up to the task. The most interesting song on here is a cover of “Helter Skelter” by the Beatles, but it’s interesting for all the wrong reasons.


0427 AC/DC – Highway to Hell - Aww AC/DC, good old reliable AC/DC. I’ve never been much of a fan, but I do like this old stuff with Bon Scott. Such a great voice. Anyways, this is pretty solid and it’s nice to see that AC/DC never strayed from writing retarded songs about fucking.


0428 Sister Sledge – We Are Family - And it’s more disco! It must be 1979 or something. Anyways, I don’t have much to say about this one. It’s disco, you can dance to it. That’s it.


0429 Crusaders – Street Life - The title track to this I know I heard in a movie. The rest of it though was kind of soul jazz and rather dull! Shame on you Crusaders, there should of been more to this!


0430 Germs – GI - Right, now we get into the type of punk you would expect. And I didn’t like it. The singer was growl-y and annoying, the songs didn’t make much sense. The playing wasn’t all that great and it thankfully ended before I got annoyed. So that’s the best thing I can say about this. Maybe they should of put a "The" in front of their name.

Ho ho! I forgot all about AC/DC! I'm not sure how I feel about the band. I like them enough when they come on the radio, but I don;t get how insanely popular they are. Do you? Let me know in the comments!

Hercules In New York!

Arnold Schwarzenegger. The name is big in the news right now. No, not for being the governor of California, or for his years in movies. Nope, his name is big right now for having a secret love child kept hidden for the past 10 years. Is anyone actually surprised by this? I'm pretty sure that aside from being famous, everyone thought of Arnold as a raging asshole. I know I did, and I was a fan!

Right, the point of this blog isn't to discuss the man, his infidelities or his raging asshole personality. It's to discuss his work. I have fallen out of grace with Arnold, he made too many kids films and lost me. That said, I was a HUGE Schwarzenegger fan growing up. I discovered him via a super channel viewing of "Conan The Barbarian" around 1983 and was hooked. Everyone I knew was. If you were a boy in North America in the 80's you were an Arnold Schwarzenegger fan, and you loved his movies. LOVED THEM. Or you were beaten up for not liking him. The 80's was the era of bullies people, and sissies who didn't like Arnold got beat down at recess. It's a tough world, be thankful we are more enlightened now.

Since it's been years since I remember sincerely liking an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, and since the man is talking about a come back provided he isn't killed for spawning a secret army of Arnolds, I've decided to re-watch all of his films. All the ones I can get my hands on anyways, and probably in mostly chronological order. I anticipate this taking awhile since frankly, this could become a bit of a tough slog and there's thousands of other things I'd like to be doing. For the sake of my ego, I'm going to keep track of the films here. So here's the first review!

HERCULES IN NEW YORK (1969)

Look at that poster! how could anyone resist this movie? Resist it they did, in droves...

Hercules is bored of Mount Olympus, so he goes to New York to have a vacation. In New York he fights numerous guys on the Bowery, befriends a nerd named Pretz (short for “Pretzel”, he’s a pretzel salesman at the docks), and wrestles a bear in central park! The lesson to be learned is something about humility, and it’s supposed to be a comedy. I think.

What is there to say about Arnold’s film debut? It’s terrible. Not as terrible as it used to be, originally Arnold’s voice was dubbed since his thick accent made the already poor dialog all that much harder understand. Now, thanks to DVD, you can watch it with Arnold’s original dialog all in tack. It’s not much of an improvement, but it helps. The main problem with this film is that it’s super cheap and a comedy. This is 1969, it should be a sexploitation. Comedies are really hard to make. Hell, Hollywood rarely get them right, there’s little chance for someone with a shoe string budget and a unknown body builder to make a good film. So this one really misses the mark. If it went the sexploitation rout it might of been interesting. It's not like Arnold was a prude, he used to pose for gay magazines* for Christs sake! A gay sexploitation angle could of really helped this! Arnold is young and handsome- and billed as "Arnold Strong" since his last name is hard to spell and makes your spell check go crazy, but displays none of the screen presence that will make him the biggest movie star in the world. It’s must of been through force of will that he was able to get future rolls in the movies since this was hardly a calling card. Co-star Arnold Stang who plays the roll of “Pretz” doesn’t fair any better and you would never know that he had years of TV and film credits prior to this. He too will continue on in films, mostly doing voice work until passing away in 2009. No one else worth mentioning, this movie is unexceptional. It also feels about 5 hours long.

out of 5 Arnolds




So there it is, Arnold will move on from this film- a film he regrets doing, and become the biggest movie star in the world. From humble beginnings rises greatness!

*That link is NSFW by the way...

1001 Albums: 0411 - 0420: We Are NOT Men

Howdy doodles reader friends! It's that time, another recap of music you will probably never listen too, but oddly enjoy reading about! I presume you enjoy reading about this music, you have clicked on the blog after all! Some of you crazies even subscribe! WOW! Here's the list, it was decent enough, with one of my favourite bands making a debut. Hurrah for favourites!


0411 Throbbing Gristle – DOA: Third & Final Report - The first track on this sounded like the old VIC-20 data tapes used to if you played them on a cassette deck. Which means it sounded pretty terrible. Then it got worse. This one is a no go. It’s called “Throbbing Gristle”, it should of been better then this!


0412 Thin Lizzy – Live & Dangerous - “Live & Obnoxious” more like it. Ha ha! I made a pun! Hollywood, I’m available for any script punch ups you need! This band recorded “The Boys Are Back In Town”, and it’s on here. If you like that song, you’ll like this in all it’s guitar soloing, drum soloing glory. Oh, and Huey Lewis on harmonica! (Might not be THE Huey Lewis, but if it is*, it’s the only stand out thing on here.)


0413 Talking Heads – More Songs About Buildings & Food - I didn’t really notice these songs being specifically about buildings and food. There was no “vegetables” type song or “This Ol’ House”. It was really good though! I have to say, these old Talking Heads are pretty solid!


0414 Buzzcocks – Another Music in a Different Kitchen - Prior to being a BBC panel show, the Buzzcocks were a band. A great punk band as it turns out! I liked this one. It wasn’t as over the top political as the Clash, or as unreasonably pissy as the Pistols. It was right in the middle and great.


0415 Van Halen – Van Halen - 80’s metal starts right here! I’ve loved this album since first hearing it sometime in the 80s around when “1984” came out. David Lee Roth is in amazing form singing songs that make no sense at all. Add in a crack band and one of the all time great guitar players, and this album is a party! (I think by my ending this review like that, I’m officially ready to be published in a music magazine or “Entertainment Weekly”)


0416 Willie Colón & Rubén Blades – Siembra - This was Latin samba type music. That’s all I got, I’m not a big enough fan of this to not be kind of bored by it, or know if it’s exceptional. If you want to samba dance and drink rum&cokes this is for you I guess? (I don't even know what a samba is, if I’m being honest...)


0417 The Cars – The Cars - Weirdo Ric Okasic and his weirdo band The Cars make a stunning debut! I always liked The Cars, and that video for “You Might Think”. The music is great on here, “Moving In Stereo” is permanently etched in every mans mind if they were a teenager when they saw “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”. The rest of the album is just as good. As that song, not just the memory of topless Phoboe Cates. It’s also great fun to play on Rock Band**!


0418 Devo – Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo - I love pretty much everything there is to love about Devo. From the music to the concept. This is a great album. It’s been awhile since I’ve spun it, so it was interesting to be reminded just how guitar based they were at the start. Anyways, this is highly recommended.


0419 Dire Straits – Dire Straits - I would of thought Dire Straits on this list would of been all about that “Money For Nothing” album, whatever it was called. Ends up they began way back here. It sounds pretty much the same. Easy going music played splendidly, but not super interesting to me.


0420 The Saints – Eternally Yours - Another punk band I don’t think I ever heard of. It was good and rather solid. Not as impressionable as other punk bands have been from this era though.

So I'm giving Devo the no-prize on this one since they are just great. Sure, they peter out a bit after 1984 or so, but their new album Fresh from last year was a great return.

I am now going to do something different and highlight another blog. You should check out My Beautiful Disaster. On top of being a fun and interesting blog, just look at how god damned pretty it is! How does she do it? I can't figure it out! I plan to meet up with her for sushi one day so I can trick her into an alley, split her head open, and learn the secrets to creating a pretty blog like that! That's how you learn things, you take peoples heads and absorb their knowledge and power. I learned it in Highlander. I mean, look at the tabs based on the labels on that blog! God damn it! It's too damned clever!

That's it, it's long weekend time after one more sleep! Hooray! I'm hoping the Christian rapture comes true. Not because I'm Christian, I'm not. I read the Left Behind series of books on the rapture, and post rapture is a FUCKING PARTY! It's off the hook people! And if stuff gets too hot, you can just accept Jesus in to your life and you're all set for Heaven! A total "Get Out Of Jail Free" card! Awesome sauce!

*I read the wiki, it is!

** Available as a down loadable album in Rock Band, but sadly, not with keyboards!

1001 Albums: 0401 - 0410: I Don't Have A Clever Title

Another ten are done blah blah blah. It was kind of unexceptional despite some nice surprises. So lets have a gander and I'll point out the faves in the recap!


0401 Elvis Costello – This Year’s Model - Not to be outdone by Pere Ubu, Elvis Costello decides to crank out a quick second album too! This one though, is much better then Pere Ubu's terrible one. In fact, it's better then his own first album. The songs are a bit more raw, but really work to make this a tight one. Good stuff!


0402 The Jam – All Mod Cons - I was fully intending to all out hate this and I didn't. For reasons unknown, I've had a long standing irrational dislike for The Jam. Having listened to this, they're not all that bad. I didn't recognize any of it, so hopefully if they show up again, it wont be with that unknown song I heard and hated. If it was even the Jam....


0403 Joe Ely – Honky Tonk Masquerade - I've heard of Joe Ely, but I never actually listened to him. At least I didn't recognize any of this. It's not bad, but the country on this is starting to lean to that horrible over produced 80's country that I don't like. It's right on the line so I could still tolerate the sound of this. The songwriting though, is pretty great.


0404 The Adverts – Crossing the Red Sea with the…This one started with some solid punk with a song called "One Chord Wonders". Now there was actually more then one chord played in that song, so this band is a bunch of liars. It's OK though since they are actually pretty damned solid. Basic no frills punk from a band better then they claim to be.


0405 Big Star – Third (aka Sister Lovers) - This one was really good. A much more laid back affair then their previous one on this list. It also sounded more live and raw with a stark sound. It totally fit for an overall mood. There's a couple of covers on here, including a Velvet Underground one which also fit the mood since this reminded me of their 3rd album. Anyways, yeah, this is good, I might actually listen to this again!


0406 The Residents – Duck Stab/Buster & Glen - All through this list I've been bitching about improv sounding music and electronic noise. I am now going to contradict all of that by saying that I really liked this album. I am human, and I am capable of growing in tastes! This is electronic-y and kind of noisy, but it seemed to also have a point and there was absolutely a sense of melody and ideas to the songs. So there you go, The Residents are pretty great on this record!


0407 Public Image Ltd – Public Image - Uh oh. The Sex Pistols have fizzled out, and Johnny Rotten is now John Lydon and leading a new wave band. This was pretty terrible, aside from the title song. Around that title song you have pompous social commentary and it all sounds like shit.


0408 Magazine – Real Life - This one was really forgettable. As in I listened to it a couple days ago and I don't remember a thing about it.


0409 Bruce Springsteen – Darkness on the Edge of Town - Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I actually really liked this Springsteen album! I think you can get kicked out of Canada for that. The songs sounded more honest then Bruce typically does, and it was much more interesting then the "Born In The USA" stuff.


0410 Funkadelic – One Nation Under a Groove - At first I was disappointed with this since it was more of a guitar heavy, rock type vibe then a shake your booty funk vibe. It really won me over though, the guitar playing on this is superb. I think Eddie Hazel is the man responsible for the amazing playing, and it really is worth checking out.

So there it is! A rather eclectic collection of music. Highlights were Funkadelic, Big Star and The Residents. The Residents were a true and proper surprise for me too, I hope they show up again in the future.

Until then, I don't know just do something!